Tic
by Annber03
Summary: The latest case hits a little too close to home for a couple of agents. Tag to episode 10x04 ("The Itch").


_**A/N:** Brief references to the events of "200" in this story as well._

* * *

It was quiet on the jet.

Almost…_too _quiet.

They'd been in the air for half an hour now. Normally at this point on the trip home, JJ and Kate would either be having their usual "girl talks" or calling their families, while Morgan nodded his head to his music (blaring loudly through his speakers, of course). Hotch would be doing paperwork, and Rossi would either be writing or reading a book. Sometimes there'd be team card games mixed in as well, and other times, they'd all be talking about the cases they'd just wrapped up.

Today, however, things seemed unusually subdued. Spencer Reid set down his book he'd just started, taking a moment to observe his teammates.

Hotch and Rossi were at the opposite end of the jet from Reid, currently engaged in some sort of conversation that required a lot of gesturing and seemingly fierce debate. They were speaking in hushed tones, however, so all Reid could actually hear was the low rumbling of their voices. Their facial expressions seemed more amused than serious, though, so Reid breathed a sigh of relief and set aside any hint of concern as to the topic of their discussion.

Kate was stretched out on the couch, doing some rapid fire texting. Most likely chatting Meg, or Chris, if her excited grin was anything to go by. He smiled as he saw her throw her head back and let out a quiet laugh at something on her screen before she started excitedly typing away again. _I really should take her up on her offer to meet her family sometime._

Morgan _did_ have his headphones on, but the music sounded fainter this evening, and he wouldn't have heard it anyway regardless of the volume, for he'd dozed off shortly after boarding the jet. He was sat straight up in his seat, arms folded, head to one side, letting out the softest of snores. Reid smirked as he listened to his friend's noises. He had long ago devised a sneaky little plan just in case Morgan's snoring ever got too loud again. Unfortunately, he hadn't yet been able to put it into action. _One day, though…_

Turning away from Morgan, Reid's eyes finally landed on JJ. His smirk quickly vanished upon catching sight of her. He sat back and watched her for a few minutes, scrutinizing her every action.

JJ was on the opposite side of the aisle, next to one of the windows. She was gazing out at the clouds, her chin resting in her hand, clearly lost in thought. That wasn't unusual…certainly a look that had become all too familiar amongst the team over the years, especially after cases as difficult as this one.

She looked incredibly _tired_, though. Worn down, troubled, even a little…scared? _Why scared?_

It was also not unusual for the team to be upset over cases, obviously – with their job it was often to be expected. And if JJ had _just _seemed bothered by the case itself, Reid might've let her current reactions slide and left her be.

This wasn't something to ignore, though. Reid couldn't quite put his finger on how he knew that for certain. He just did.

Setting his book aside, Reid got up from his seat and carefully made his way down the aisle, trying to appear as casual as possible. He plopped down across from JJ, putting on his brightest, gentlest smile. "Hi."

JJ glanced at Reid out of the corner of her eye. "Hey," she murmured. Back to the window.

Reid waited a minute, twiddling his thumbs and looking down at his lap. He was about to speak again, but she beat him to it this time.

"Can I help you with something?" JJ inwardly cringed at her tone. She'd tried to keep the irritation out of her voice, and yet it slipped through anyway.

"No. Just wondered if you wanted to talk." Another smile, this one a little more hesitant and awkward.

"About what?"

Reid shrugged. "Anything. The weather, movies, TV shows…" His eyes darted back and forth before he finally decided to just get to the point. "Work…"

JJ turned to properly face him now, giving Reid a slightly annoyed look. "Look, Spence, if there's something you want to say, just say it."

Reid flinched at her sudden sharp tone. He shifted in his seat, clearing his throat, before he responded. "It's just that…well…you seem rather upset about something."

"I'm fine. Really." Window yet again.

"No, you're not. I know that look, JJ." He leaned in, trying to catch her eye. "What's bothering you?"

She let out a deep, heavy sigh, rubbing her eyes with a hand. "Do we have to talk about this now?"

"…no. No, we don't _have_ to." Reid frowned. This wasn't going at _all_ how he'd hoped. He began to stand up. "Never mind. I'll just go –"

"Wait." JJ reached a hand out, waiting until Reid turned back to look at her. "I'm sorry. Come back. Sit down." She waved her hand at the seat he'd just vacated. Reid obliged, choosing to keep his mouth shut. _Let her decide what she wants to talk about._

"I didn't mean to snap at you, Spence. I've just…got other things on my mind."

"Do they have to do with the case?" JJ's eyes narrowed in confusion. "I told you, JJ. I know that look." _And I'll refrain from mentioning how often I've seen that look these past eight months._

JJ seemed to be debating with herself for a moment before she leaned forward, vigorously rubbing her face, her hands trailing along the back of her neck before coming together again in front of her. She dragged out a slow breath, and finally spoke. "I talked to Jane when I dropped her off at her place," she began, looking cautiously at Reid.

His eyebrows shot up at that news. He could already guess what the outcome of that conversation had been, but Reid wanted to keep her talking. "How'd it go?" he asked.

"It was a disaster," JJ admitted, the frustration evident in her voice. "I kept trying to tell her that she _did_ help us with the case. That we didn't harm Leo, that he needs her support. That he was more dangerous than she realized."

She threw her hands out in exasperation. "She wouldn't listen! To any of it! She just kept insisting we were all liars and she was going to expose us and all the harmful things we've done."

"She's not well, JJ. She needs help."

"We _offered_ that. She won't take it!" JJ's voice was rising now, and Reid's eyes widened at her reaction. He cast a wary glance around the jet, but JJ didn't seem fazed. "The only help she has is that…_support group_." Her hands were flying about now, her face flushed with anger. "And from what I observed of that group, they're going to only enable her and make her delusions worse." She leaned back in her seat, exhausted.

"Not everyone expects those groups to fix them, Jayje. Sometimes these people don't want help so much as they just want someone to listen to them."

"But shouldn't helping them _be_ a part of that?"

"Yes. But not always, and not right away. The first step is acknowledging you _have_ a problem." JJ shifted in her seat a little, noticing how forceful Reid's voice became all of a sudden. "If Jane can't even admit that, then all the help in the world isn't going to do anything."

"Lisa managed to break away," JJ pointed out.

"Some people are lucky enough to make that realization fairly quickly," Reid acknowledged. "Others will take a little longer. Some won't ever admit there's a problem at all." He grew increasingly quiet as he spoke, his eyes now cast down and away from JJ. "It all depends on how determined the person is in wanting to get better."

"So…there's _nothing_ that can be done for her?" JJ was surprised to find herself close to tears.

"No, there is. She has as much chance as anyone else does." He paused thoughtfully. "It might take a while, but I like to think that there's always a possibility of a better outcome."

"Yeah, well, I hope you're right about that," JJ said wryly. She shook her head. "It just frustrates me that that group takes advantage of people like that."

"I know," Reid said, continuing to speak quietly in the hopes of keeping JJ calm. "But even if they did have the best intentions in mind, sometimes…sometimes it just doesn't work out." Over the years, Reid had seen, and heard about, a few tragic stories and outcomes from those who didn't last long in the Beltway Cops group. Those stories had been a contributing factor in his desire to get better years ago, and continued to be a constant reminder of the road he never wanted to find himself down. But that information always had been, and always would be, his little secret.

"There's something else besides those support groups that _can_ help, though." Now Reid looked directly at JJ again, grabbing her attention. "Family and friends who care about you." He sat up a little straighter. "That's what got me through everything after Hankel. Knowing I had you guys around." He hoped to get a genuine smile out of JJ at that comment, and wasn't disappointed. It was a small smile, but it was something. "Maybe Jane will be lucky enough to have someone like that in her life."

"That'd be nice." JJ rested an elbow on the armrest, a hand cradling her head.

Still not the improvement he was looking for. A nasty uneasiness was building in the pit of Reid's stomach. He'd seen JJ upset in the past, and he'd certainly seen cases affect her before.

But this…this was obviously something different. Whatever was bothering her now ran a little _too_ deep, a little _too_ dark. He _really_ didn't like what this gut feeling of his seemed to be implying.

"You know we've had people snap at us on cases before, right, JJ? It's – it's nothing personal."

"Yeah. I know." The tension was growing ever thicker, and Reid again wanted to say something. But once more, he was interrupted.

"How did you do it?"

"Sorry?"

"These people…they were suffering from some form of mental illness. They were paranoid, dealing with delusions."

_Just like your mom._ Reid realized what she was driving at.

She fixed her eyes on Reid. "How did _you_ do it? How'd you figure out how to handle your mom on her bad days?"

Reid shrugged nonchalantly. "Sometimes I talked to her. If her episodes didn't seem too severe, I tried to tell her the truth, where she really was and what she was doing. Or I'd read to her."

The image of a young Reid sitting next to his mom and reading to her touched JJ deeply. _That's my Spence._

"Sometimes I played along with them, and just waited for them to pass," he continued, not catching JJ's reaction. He'd lost count of how many times he locked and relocked doors and windows, or investigated their television set, or how many hours he spent sitting by a window, keeping an eye out for the people his mom believed lurked just outside.

"And some days…" He took a deep breath at this point. "…some days, there was really nothing I _could_ do or say. She'd either stay in bed for hours or days, or I'd spend time following her around to make sure she didn't wander off or do something dangerous." Reid had once tried calculating the amount of sleepless nights he'd spent following her around the house as a kid. The number had spooked him, and he instantly stopped, vowing never to do that again.

Now JJ gazed at him, her expression soft, deeply sympathetic, teary. "I'm sorry." _I shouldn't have even asked. What's the matter with me?_

Reid shrugged again. "It's okay. It's important to know what to do, or what not to do, in these circumstances."

"I shouldn't have tried to talk to Jane, should I?"

"You thought you were doing the right thing, JJ. Every person's different. What works for some mentally ill people won't work for others. You were just trying to help." He tried to give her a reassuring smile. "I'm sorry it didn't work out the way you wanted." JJ nodded, uncertain.

"You think Leo will ever get the help he's looking for?"

"I don't know. I hope so." He'd taken great pains to insist nobody label Leo "crazy" or "insane", had stressed the importance of treating this man's problems with the respect they deserved. All he could do now was cross his fingers and hope for the best. _Maybe Hotch will allow me to check in on him at some point._

He snapped himself out of his thoughts then, instantly noticing JJ's behavior. She had her arms wrapped around her midsection now, and he watched as her hands absentmindedly trailed up and down her arms.

"Are you cold?" he asked. Fall had made its presence known by this point, and there were times the jet could turn rather chilly.

"Hm? No. Just…thinking about those _bugs_." JJ made a disgusted face, causing Reid to chuckle. The tension seemed to break a little with his laugh.

"Yeah, you know, I have to say, pulling a bug – a _live_ bug – out of someone's _nose_ isn't exactly something I'm keen to do again. They should really make note of that in the BAU job description." His smile grew even wider upon hearing JJ let out a genuine, hearty laugh.

"Oh, yeah. Warning: May have to retrieve bugs," JJ said, making out an invisible headline with her hand. "And don't even get me started on the spiders." She squirmed at the mere thought of what poor Linda had been subjected to with those creatures.

"I take it that's an emphatic 'no' if Henry ever asks for a pet tarantula, then?" Reid smirked as JJ threw him a horrified look.

"That's an emphatic, '_Hell_, no!'," she replied, and they shared another short laugh before falling silent again.

"Well, I, um…I think I'm going to get some coffee real quick. Want any?" Reid asked.

"No, I'm good, thanks." JJ watched as Reid got up and headed to the back of the jet before turning back to the window once more. She'd been grateful for the light change in conversation, too, but not for the same reasons as Reid. Distracting him meant he couldn't push her any further. She knew that if he did, he'd eventually hit upon the other issues that had been running through her mind.

One of the victims, Albert Stillman, had suffered a drug overdose. Reid and JJ had talked about his injections at the morgue while inspecting his body.

In that moment, Askari's evil grin flashed through JJ's mind. She'd immediately tensed a little during her chat with Reid, quickly trying to turn the focus to the man's other injuries.

And she hadn't been completely honest about the reasons why Jane's accusations bothered her, too. Yes, she hated feeling like she'd failed this woman, but Jane's comments about the U.S. government's ability to keep secrets and tell lies had hit a little closer to home than she wanted to admit, too.

_She wasn't entirely wrong about that – she was just wrong about the sorts of things they do keep secret. _

Not only had Jane's words cut rather deep, but actually _seeing_ her delusions playing out up close and personal had spooked JJ. She found herself wondering just how many nights Jane had spent awake thanks to her illness. How many times she stared into a mirror and examined her body? What kinds of nightmares she must've had, what voices she heard, if any.

The disorders may have been different, along with the situations, but that didn't make the similarities JJ had noticed any less troubling.

JJ rubbed her forehead, wincing as the brightness of the setting sun beamed directly into her line of vision. She could feel one hell of a headache coming on. Pushing up the armrest dividing her seat from the one next to it, JJ lay down and proceeded to toss and turn until she found a comfortable position. Finally, after a few minutes, she eventually drifted off to sleep.

Reid, meanwhile, stood at the back of the jet, quietly observing JJ as he sipped his coffee. The light mood at the end of their conversation had eased his concern, but only slightly. He'd noticed how quickly the dark, worried look reappeared on JJ's face after he left, saw her pained expressions.

He knew those tics all too well. Seven years later, and he still remembered those reactions and feelings like it was yesterday. He'd noticed JJ tensing up at the morgue when they examined Stillman, and had been grateful she was looking away from him, as he'd had a similar response. The man had been coming off a heroin overdose of his own doing, and that had unfortunately aided him in paying the ultimate price.

A slight shudder had gone through Reid at that moment, as he thought back to all the nights, post Hankel, when he went out "looking for what he needed", and all the dangerous, stupid situations he'd nearly found himself in as a result. He'd wandered about aimlessly, too. _Just like my mom used to do. _To say nothing of the fact he'd actually found himself debating – _debating_ – whether or not to shoot up _while on the job_.

The fact that this case took place in Georgia, and in Atlanta at that, only aided in forcing those memories to the forefront of his mind. _Of all the states and all the cities…_

Reid had a pretty good idea as to why talk of needles and injections had unnerved JJ, too, and the memories of her situation were like a punch to his gut. When he'd heard about Askari drugging her, he'd felt his heart breaking, a deep sense of sorrow running through him. Now they had a particularly painful level on which to relate to each other.

He watched her slowly falling asleep, and knew it would've been easier to count the amount of nights he figured she _had _managed to sleep within the past eight months. And then of course there were the irritable moods, the increasing distance from her friends… They didn't seem full-fledged yet, her symptoms, but they seemed to be showing more and more as time went on. Reid decided then and there that he'd continue to keep an eye on her. Just in case.

For the moment, though, he simply let out a low sigh as he set his empty cup down and walked back over to where JJ was laying. Noticing her blanket was currently stuck underneath her, he instead grabbed his own, draping it over her and stretching it out to make sure it covered her body as much as possible. He then reached over and drew down the window shade.

Taking one more look to make sure she was comfortable, Reid eventually headed back to his seat, settling in and returning to his book. By the time the plane landed, however, he couldn't recall a single word he'd read.

Upon returning home that night, Reid circled the next available date for a meeting on his calendar.

* * *

_Reviews/critiques/etc. appreciated, as always._


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